I'm feeling unsettled, and I don't quite know why. With my move this week, I think I am balancing too many things and trying to organize my thoughts, clothes, stuff, life in general too far in advance. But I don't think that's all of it, yet I can't place my finger on it.
Maybe it'll help if I talk about how I got my life more settled this weekend. I finally planned my trip to Salt Lake City, and I'm going to take two extra days at the beginning to sight-see in Utah. Except I had to miss to church because I finally got word I could go, and I didn't want to wait any longer to buy the tickets. I also organized my music and got rid of a lot of songs I don't listen to. I started packing, but it's hard to do it in chunks, so that's a little unsettling. I also did some good work on website, but there is still so much more I should do before Utah (and in order to write my paper for Valencia). How did this list start to become a list of unfinished things? Arghh.
I hate how I left things with O; I should e-mail him, but I don't know what to say...
One way I can tell when I'm stressed/nervous/anxious/etc. is that it's hard to take a deep breath. It's just really annoying because I have to concentrate on getting enough of a breath, and I have to work at yawning. It's a telltale sign, though, that something is going on in my head that I should definitely force out of there.
And I feel unsettled because I never get to hang out enough with friends. I see my salsa friends at least twice a week (because of practice), and that and work are interfering with my time to go out with MIT friends, Ben and Adele, Oren, Kristy, etc. I'm sorry for not having enough time for you.
My blog is starting to be a one-way therapist. Well I guess not quite one-way, because I have my awesome commenters. :-) So I haven't really resolved anything, but I think I just need to try to relax, breathe, and take a vacation as V suggested. And what a good distraction he is. ;-)
Summer is too busy
I need to vent off some steam, so I'm going to take a few minutes to blog at work. I'm getting frustrated by Mars Gravity and its lack of staff. We need an administrative assisstant (or at least I need one!), and those jobs often falls on the managers and Rosie, which it shouldn't. We also pay admins in the department, but they don't actually do much work for us. We actually pay multiple people that do no work for us! This is especially frustrating to me because I am still trying to get Mars Gravity to pay me next year, and I need $18,000, which they are having trouble setting aside. And I work my @$$ off for them.
Which brings me to my next complaint. Summer is supposed to be FUN and relaxed, but I have a meeting (or 2) every day. Each meeting, of course, requires preparation and work to plan it, especially since I am leading most of them. And then I get assigned tasks at each meeting, which just increases my workload even more. I'm more convinced that I need a secretary. And Mars Gravity isn't even paying me! I would like to work on some of my paper that's due at the end of the summer for Valencia, but I can't seem to find time. The Mars Grav list just keeps growing, and I don't have enough time (while still having some semblance of a life) to get it all done. I need help, but all the other managers are busy with their own teams. I can't lead two teams with 10 undergraduates (total) and expect to get anything done myself. Talking about this right now isn't really helping like I thought it would, so I think I'll stop.
Another annoying thing I would like to get ahold of is everything I do outside of class too. Tonight I have three things I am supposed to be at at the same time, and I can't seem to not let anyone down. Why do I have to feel guilt? Let's get rid of the concept and the feeling, please. Can't I just pour it down the drain with my spoiled milk? That's where it belongs. Yet I can't because I don't want to let anyone else down. But eventually I'll be letting myself down.
I need to stop posting and get back to work. :-(
NASA Conference
So I'm pretty darn tired, but I do want to get a post in. I was at a NASA Symposium from Sun-Thurs in Alabama that was basically for women and minorities in various fellowship programs through NASA. I am a
Harriet Jenkins Fellow, so that's why I was there. While some of the conference was pretty boring, I got to hang out with a lot of cool people that I had met last year, and, of course, I tried to meet all the newbies. I find it hard to make myself network, so I really need to get better at that. I think I need to make business cards for myself.
The conference overall was inspiring because of all the people thrilled about NASA and the space industry in general. I had hoped to gain some more insight on whether or not I should get a PhD, but I didn't come away with any more of a strong feeling one way or the other. I thought this conference might push me back toward getting a PhD, but it was just a little nudge in that direction. People also seemed to like what I have been working on for my Master's thesis (
Risk Management of Student-run, Small Satellites), so that was encouraging.
On a social note, one night they had a Latin band play, and when they played a salsa song, another Jenkins fellow and I got on stage and danced in front of 150 people! Mind you, we hadn't danced together, really, and here we are on a carpeted stage in an impromptu performance! Everyone said we looked really good, though, and dancing with him was awesome. I shouldn't talk more about it now because then I'll want to go dancing right away. I'll miss him! Kenny and I also gave salsa lessons at the bar that night, so we had an evening of salsa and merengue, which was waaaay fun!
And I should really write less personal stuff up here, because I don't want to post anything sad about past relationships. Oh well, I guess that's the trouble of blogging sometimes! We just move along and hold on to good memories instead. :-)
Beth's Wedding
Last weekend was Beth's wedding, and it was an awesome time. First of all, it was in Northern Virginia, so I went home for about 3.5 days. Thursday night my Uncle Kurt was in town, so we brought him to karaoke at COK, which was a blast. I embarrassed myself thoroughly by singing an explicit song, but he told the waitress we were dating, so I think we're even. And Kurt was kind enough to treat us to drinks, so that was really nice.
Friday I hung around and tried getting rid of unneeded stuff in my room, which is always hard for me to do because I'm an incessant packrat. But I made a lot of headway this time around, so I can be somewhat proud. Friday night, Lindsay, Chrissie, and I went to Pentagon City to shop, eat Lebanese food, and drink wine. We of course had an excellent time girl-talking, and there were lots of items on which we needed to catch up and compare notes. 0:-) Two soldiers came over to hit on us at one point, and, honestly, even though I wasn't attracted to them, they did an excellent job. I can't say it's easy to walk up to three girls and strike up a conversation with all three that doesn't end up lingering too much on one person. I need to take lessons from those men!
Saturday was the wedding, and it was great. Almost all of our group of high school friends were there, and we definitely became the slightly obnoxious ones at the wedding. Someone has to be the life of the party and take up singing at the table, mosh-pit dancing,...do I need to go on? And free beer and wine had probably only a fraction of something to do with that behavior. I've drank plenty with this group before, but besides karaoke (which not everyone had been to), this was by far the most fun we've had. And the best part of the night was giving Beth the book "The Guide to Getting It On" just a few minutes before they left for the evening. How perfect. :-)
Sunday Lindsay came over to watch the World Cup, so I'm glad I got extra time with her. I was sad to go Sunday to return to this mess of a life because I really love my high school friends, and I love being home for a while. I really do love Boston, but I loved the more carefree feeling of being in Virginia with people I've cared about for a long time.
Going to weddings is getting a little less surreal, but I still can't believe we're old enough to get married, especially when I've known the bride since before she could drive. I can't imagine what it feels like for the family! Ok, sappy time over.
On a completely different note, I like blogging because I like people reading my thoughts and being able to catch up with what's going on with my life. I don't mind that we aren't necessarily talking all the time for you to hear about me, but I want to hear about you too! So start a blog! The one beef I have with it is that I'm tempted to write very personal things on my blog, but I don't want to, but I also don't want to write them anywhere else because then I'm updating two journals. So all those thoughts I want to write get bottled up inside. And spilled at Girl's Nights...
Girl Time
Jen and Kristy came up for the end of the weekend and July 4, and let me just say I love those girls! I miss talking about everything and anything. I miss doing horribly stupid yet funny things and being my complete self. I miss the reassurance and the advice they provide. I miss 207! My MIT friends are great, and maybe there just hasn't been enough time to get close, but these relationships are at a different level. And tonight I went out with Lindsay and Chrissie, and we also had a great Girl's Night talking about everything on our minds.
Odis got his orders to King's Bay, GA, but instead of leaving in October, he's leaving in August. :-/ It's great for him, and I can tell he's really happy, but it just makes everything with "us" more difficult. But he's amazingly considerate, attentive, caring, communicative, and attractive ;-), so I'll be sad to see him go...
I'm very tired now, and Beth's wedding is tomorrow, so I hope to be back on soon to tell you all about it!
