You can't just disappear on me
I was sitting in a meeting a few weeks back with one of my bosses, who happens to have Hodgkin's lymphoma. He was diagnosed shortly after my dad passed away and has been undergoing treatment and responding well. I mean no harm to him of course, and this is going to sound morbid, but as I sat there, I was imagining what it would be like to not have his presence at these meetings any longer. So yes, I was imagining him dying. I told you it was morbid, but this is where my thoughts go now.What I was really thinking about was: here is a person full of thoughts and ideas, and if he dies, all that knowledge and all those insights just go away. One minute you are a thinking, feeling, communicative creature, and the next, nothing. It scares me, honestly. Maybe it's the idea of legacy - that I want to be remembered, and I don't want to just disappear. The idea of disappearing, the fact of death, scares the crap out of me. We have family and friends that remember us sure, but for how many generations? Then what is left of us?
Many people have asked me why I am a vegetarian, and I think it is partly my inability to understand death and my belief that life is extraordinarily special.
This all made a lot more sense in my head...
posted by Biff @ 10:43 PM
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