Aggressors and smart women - turn-on or turn-off?
One thing I hate about blogging is trying not to be *too* personal. I think Jen does a great job of pouring herself out without us (or at least, the majority of us) knowing who she's talking about when she refers to people other than herself. But I can't even attempt to say what I've shared with only a few because I will be embarrassed if everyone reads it! And for some reason I think you'll see me as weak, which isn't on my top 10 ways for my general friends (and not-so-friends) to see me.In a bad 30-hour stretch with many things going wrong (including getting sick when I was supposed to drink and go out with friends), a short, but seemingly good relationship ended. Without going into any details, I just have to say that men can be just as confusing as women, and I've now been through enough relationships in the past 2 or so years to know that it's a fact!
Today a very good friend of mine and I talked about the "game" when it comes to those annoying but wonderful beings we call men. Some interesting things came out of the discussion, and I think a hotly debated topic is the idea of a woman being the aggressor. Some men find it a turn-on, but only for short-term flings. Others love it all the time. And others don't want any part of it. How are we supposed to know what to do!? I guess that's all part of the mystique and fun of the chase.
Another interesting twist is when you throw a smart woman into the mix. We don't want to hide who we are and what we find interesting, but how much should one "censor" what they say in order to not scare someone away? Now I'm not talking super-nerd here, but when does a smart woman become a turn-on, and when does it become too much for the man?
Thoughts anyone?
posted by Biff @ 10:35 PM
10 Comments:
I think agressive women rule:) as long as they dont push to much. coming up and introducing yourself to a guy...bonus points. pounding them on where the relationship is going etc. bad..... as far as smart women...i think thats great...having a HOT smoking woman that you can have a deep interesting meaningful conversation with is the best...but some guys are intimidated by that...just depends on the guy. Dating basically sucks, for both sexes, cause u are looking for the perfect physical, intellectual, etc. match, and thats hard to find, for everyone....but, the trick is to have as much fun in the search as u can:)
aggressive or not, smart or not (though i think we all know what the truth is here ;-) ), you rock biffy. and i think that if you are just yourself, in the end it won't matter. you shouldn't have to worry about whether you're being *too* aggressive or *too* smart -- you should just be yourself and when the right person comes along, you will be perfectly aggressive and perfectly smart. :-)
207love,
melissa
I always tell men my major when I want them to back off. Funny though, that didn't work with Dave ;)
I think you should always be honest about who you are - including being smarter than some guy. Unfortunately, it still takes a few balls for a guy to date a woman as smart as you are, but on the plus side generally those are the keepers.
There is no such thing as being too aggressive.
-Rebecca
Biff, this guy is not who I think it is... is it?
I think any man that would like you less because of how smart you are or you being forward just doesn't deserve you. You have to find someone who accepts you for who you are, not one who has some preconceived notion or hangups about intelligence and so on.
So wait. Let's turn this around a little. Are you saying that relationships are better or at least easier if the woman is less educated (or just plain dumb)? I think everyone is looking for their equal in most respects. The real question then is could you be really happy with a trophy boyfriend? "Yeah, he's as thick as a rock, but loyal and damn, those muscles..."
As for aggressive, you gotta consider where you're at. I saw a great pin once that said "Flirt harder, I'm a physicist."
Where to start? Aggressive can mean many things. Is the word assertive better? A woman who is bold, confident? And in what ways are you assertive?
And Games? I would not exactly call it that. And you should be yourself but that does not mean there are not things to try on your side. This is like school in a way. Be observant.
So you could look for that perfect perrson but at the same time many men are not the most skilled in dating. Normal men. So you can assertive but at the same time teach the men how to be more assertive themselves. It took many women for me to understand them and I still work on it. Some folks are slow learners. So be assertive but every so often "let down the hair" and be feminine.
Oh I am full of opinions. Is it you or are these guys just too immature yet? A relationship is hard work.Guys? Well you know sometimes its in and out.
Next, go to the architectural school. Meaning, there are many smart folks in different ways.
What is smart? Equals? Shit I want her to be as smart, hot, and rich as possible! Not really. I tried that. She was a pain in the ass. Though SF was awesome!
My fiance? She no like math! But she loves music and she excels in sports. The first time I met her, she hip checked me and kept me upside down, dangling above the floor. I was hooked. I met her through my "other" friends. But this is something for my blog not here.
Biff, my opinion, go pick up some hobby that may have cool guys!
Trophy? I hope all people think their partner is their trophy!
Where to start? Aggressive can mean many things. Is the word assertive better? A woman who is bold, confident? And in what ways are you assertive?
And Games? I would not exactly call it that. And you should be yourself but that does not mean there are not things to try on your side. This is like school in a way. Be observant.
So you could look for that perfect perrson but at the same time many men are not the most skilled in dating. Normal men. So you can assertive but at the same time teach the men how to be more assertive themselves. It took many women for me to understand them and I still work on it. Some folks are slow learners. So be assertive but every so often "let down the hair" and be feminine.
Oh I am full of opinions. Is it you or are these guys just too immature yet? A relationship is hard work.Guys? Well you know sometimes its in and out.
Next, go to the architectural school. Meaning, there are many smart folks in different ways.
What is smart? Equals? Shit I want her to be as smart, hot, and rich as possible! Not really. I tried that. She was a pain in the ass. Though SF was awesome!
My fiance? She no like math! But she loves music and she excels in sports. The first time I met her, she hip checked me and kept me upside down, dangling above the floor. I was hooked. I met her through my "other" friends. But this is something for my blog not here.
Biff, my opinion, go pick up some hobby that may have cool guys!
Trophy? I hope all people think their partner is their trophy!
Biffy D., I think that's how all of us are going to know when you're in love or when it's right (other than those who have already found it, ehem, smelly and katie :)) -- when you finally feel like you are more yourself, your truest self, when you're around that person than when you're even by yourself; when you're more comfortable being emotionally naked with them than anyone else; when you're just as comfortable talking to him about your aerospace mathy nerdy theories as you are the smelly feet you have hehe :) And so if agressive is part of you, and smart is part of you, then that's what's going to be part of what attracts your perfect guy -- because for him to be perfect for you, he's going to have to like and respect those key aspects of you. And I think they're wonderful enough character traits that you deserve to wait until the smart enough guy who realizes it comes along.
Love!
Jenny, you are amazing and always know how to put it in perspective. You are completely right, and there is no shame in who we are!
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