Reverting to my middle school self
When it comes to relationships with boys, I know what I want: someone to love, with whom I can share my fears and my joys. I want him to be my best friend and boyfriend. I want someone to grow with, who will challenge me and make me a better person. And I could go on, but you get the drift. (For a more complete description and to give props to Jen, see the Perfect Man section)Now this may be a lot to ask, and it might scare some people off. But don't go away yet. Because when I'm on this road, and a bump gets in the way, I end up reverting to my old self. The old Biff has, over these past few years (with a few exceptions), been unattached, not really caring who she's with, but having fun all the while. That might sound harsh boys, but if you're reading this, remember you might be the exception. This summer was about having fun and experiencing new people. But now I say that I'm done with that, yet I can't get away from it.
I feel like I've reverted back to myself before Chris and I dated - flitting from guy to guy, getting bored after a few weeks or months, and moving on. But that's not me - or at least that's not who I want to be. While I am getting good at rationalizing things after they happen to be happy with a decision, a real relationship is something I know that I want but can't seem to get a grasp on. It also might not totally be my fault, since the guys aren't looking down the same road I am. If that is the case, though, I'm choosing the wrong men, and I feel I should know better. On the other hand, that's hard in the game of dating. It's refreshing when I find a guy so open and willing to talk about his feelings; now, if we could just get that ex out of his mind... but that's a whole 'nother story, and you can ask me about that one.
posted by Biff @ 2:56 PM
1 Comments:
Oh Biffsters! First, thanks very much for the shout out :)
Second, I completely feel understand where you're at - I feel kind of similar (though without the dating part hehe stupid new orleans!). It's like that's your hearts way of making it not hurt, to feel like, eh doesn't matter just fun I'm not looking for something serious so it won't be sad when it doesn't work. For me at least, I wonder if it's bc I'm scared to get hurt again (even when you were over Chris and you knew it, the process of unentanglement still SUCKED) so you don't really let yourself go or let yourself like someone so that you don't have to find out down the road that it's not going to work and it's going to kill you inside. So if your mind tells you you're ready to have a more serious relationship, inside maybe you're afraid to let that happen? And I want to know about the boy NOW! :)
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