Can the internet be my girl talk?
Life is crazy busy, and there's no slowing down until graduation. But I still manage some time for other things like the gym, dancing, friends, family, and my man. But it's no secret that the last doesn't really make time for me (he has too much work to do). Here and there we'll have dinner. But a night out? Yeah right! Him coming to something I invite him to? Oh yeah, that happened maybe last fall a couple times. So what am I doing in a relationship that is so one-sided? And why can't I throw in the towel and just move on? Something is holding me back, and for the life of me I can't figure it out. Sometimes I wish it would let go, but then more often I wish he would come in. There's a glimmer of hope when he calls or when we see each other at the gym. But then a week goes by and? nothing. Man this sounds desperate.This sort of thing happened to Lindsay last year, and I told her to move on and realize she's worth more than that. Something inside of me thinks this is different. Or at least hopes it is. That he will get over this pile of work that's keeping him away and go back to how it was last fall. It's is so stupid to do this to myself, but will cutting it off make it any better? Would it be worse to not have "us" any more at all, or to have to hope that we'll be able to spend more time together, with the chance that the hope may not pan out at all?
I know this is horribly personal, but it's going to get posted anyways. I've been keeping this inside long enough, and it's time to escape. I think I need more girl time.
posted by Biff @ 10:49 PM
1 Comments:
Sometimes people have said that "the devil you know is better than the devil you don't," but then again... others have said "the grass is always greener on the other side." So it's hard to know exactly whether (and how long) to stay in a situation that you're in. While you could be in a more equal relationship, life tends to be about busy-ness, so could you be happy with someone who is this busy? (Dating is sometimes about self-discovery.) Would you be happy with someone who, say, not just through grad school, but also in work, worked this hard? (i.e., are there qualities and character issues that make this worthwhile?) Maybe on the other hand, you might need more attention and someone making you feel special, and it's okay to admit that. There are many people in my life that I thought we would be good together, BUT timing/circumstances didn't work out, like the person was going on a 2.5 year Peace Corp stint or was becoming a missionary or lived across the country with no intention to move and no means to visit ...
Oh yeah, I found a quote on Slate that made me think of you: [Sherwin Nuland in "How We Die" points] out that medicine is "more likely to attract people with high personal anxieties about dying." (I know your doctorate isn't in medicine, but the anxiety about dying was what caught my attention :> )
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