Loneliness
It's hard to feel lonely, really. It helps to be surrounded by great friends and to be able to visit and see my dad's family in Vegas, but that's not it. It helps to have a lot of things going on and keeping me busy, but you know, that's not it either. The reason that I can't feel lonely is because whenever I do, I think about my mom, and how lonely she must be. When I think about her and her pain, it's nearly impossible for me to feel sorry for myself. I even feel guilty for feeling lonely! I suppose I am lonely since my dad is no longer with us, but I won't let myself feel lonely.I need to accept the fact that it's okay for both me and my mom to feel lonely. Our loneliness might not be equal, but we equally have the right to feel that way. (And to be honest, I feel lonely because I miss having a special guy in my life - part of that being my dad, but part of it also being a significant other). I need to get over feeling guilty, and know that me feeling lonely does not minimize my mom's loneliness.
posted by Biff @ 11:27 PM
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